


The Abominable Sensations of Life

by cosmonautss



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, New York City, Paris (City), Reunions, Slow Burn, Teenage Dorks, Teenage Drama, Teenagers, Unresolved Emotional Tension, this is going to hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 10:08:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27968813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmonautss/pseuds/cosmonautss
Summary: Ben Solo, the son of Mayor Leia Organa and one Han Solo, finds himself amidst a romance his senior year with new girl Rey Kenobi. Their school year is full of many firsts and many lasts as the school year comes to a close they realize that as Ben focuses on theater and Rey still has a year left of school before going back to England the two decide to choose their futures rather than each other.Fast forward 15 years. Ben Solo is a successful and famous Broadway actor while Rey Kenobi is making waves for her intense and aggressive demonstrations and moves for environmental and climate activism. Their worlds keep getting thrown together, they either must choose to rekindle their teenage romance or move forward and focus on the climbing success of their respective careers.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Part One: Adolescence

Part One:

Adolescence 


	2. Cider Days

The first sign of autumn wasn’t the way the trees began turning marvelous shades or oranges, reds, and yellows; nor was it the cold mornings that made you curl up a little tighter in your bed; nor was it constant overcast skies; for the sleeping town of Hana it was the annual Cider Days. A small festival where local farmers sold everything from pumpkin pie, caramel apples, hay, and yes, even cider. 

There were face paint stands, a live band, pony rides, hay-bale rides, tractor pulls, pie eating contests, any and everything that would make this community feel even more close and unified. For Ben it was hanging out with Poe and Armitage. The three of them would run around together, getting full off of turkey legs and too much cider. 

Poe was busy chasing after Kaydel, a girl a year younger than them, for Ben and Armitage this meant being Poe’s wingmen. They followed him at a distance, silently rooting their friend on with goofy grins and awkward thumbs ups. 

“How long do you think this will last for?” Armitage asked watching as Poe kept fighting whether or not he wanted to hold the girl’s hand. 

Ben smiled cooly. “A month.”

Armitage raised his brows. “Really? I was giving it three weeks” As he spoke Poe finally grabbed the girl’s hand. Kaydel’s shoulders tensed for only but a moment before relaxing and taking a step closer to Poe. He glanced back at his friends, his face a darker shade, there was a big nervous grin on his face. He turned back around to focus on Kaydel. 

Ben, Poe, and Armitage were in the beginning of their senior year. They were adamant to spend as much time together as possible, with Armitage going to Stanford, Poe going to Washington University in St. Louis, and Ben going to NYU, the three were going to be the definition of separated. It hurt them, they had been a pack since Kindergarten, staying by each other’s side through it all. Going to Poe’s baseball games, going to Hux’s speech and debate tournaments, and watching Ben steal the show in their biannual plays. 

“Where’s your mom and dad?” Armitage asked, looking around. “Normally I see them running around judging all the different cider stands.” Ben looked around, it was easier for him since he was taller than most, but just like his friend, he couldn’t find his parents.

He looked back down at Armitage and shrugged before the two continued pressing on, being careful not to get too close to Poe and Kaydel. Ben stuffed his hands in his pocket as a cool chill seeped its way into the crowd. All around them children and people ran past them, shoulders constantly pressed against shoulders. Dogs barked at one another, laughter and screams of joy erupted from the regular chorus of chatter, it made Ben happy to see everyone going about this day with happiness, it filled him with a sense of pride. 

The sun had begun to set, slowly the sky turned from it’s piercing baby blue to a deeper more muted town, orange and pink clouds began to paint the sky as street lights began to turn on. Soon the live band of the night would start up and parties would congregate at the many picnic benches lining the streets encompassing the stage. Ben and Armitage turned to head back that way, determined to save Poe a seat as they knew Kaydel would abandon him to join her own set of friends. 

He wrapped his long black coat a little tighter against his body as they pushed past people. Ben froze. Armitage had hardly noticed his friend, but when he did he didn’t say anything, he knew that gaze all too well, he followed his friend’s gaze to see an unusual sight in the town of Hana —a stranger. 

The stranger Ben was staring at was even more of a rare sight. Normally strangers tended to be older, but her,  _ her _ , she was young and as fresh as a hand-picked daisy. She had soft brown hair pulled back into three vertical buns, a shade in between dark and light, her face was full of life and a joy Ben had hardly seen. She was helping an older gentleman bring some pies out of a cooler and hand to a young couple who smiled and walked off. Her dark eyes sparkled, holding the color of the sun in her gaze. She seemed like the only warmth in the ever freezing evening. She finally turned her back to Ben as she began helping the older man with reorganizing their station. Above their tent stand was a little sign that read:  _ Kenobi Acres _ . 

“Ben.” He felt someone grab his arm. He turned to glance at Armitage, his trance immediately broken. He gave him a raised brow, as if asking him why he dared to break him from such a wonderful dream. 

“C’mon, we need to go find seats. The show is about to start.” Armitage raised his arm showing a ticking wristwatch, they had fifteen minutes. Ben gave one last glance towards the tent stand and saw the girl was nowhere in sight. He took that as a sign and turned to follow his friend to one of the many picnic benches. 

They found one relatively close to the stage. Poe quickly joined them, telling them that Kaydel was going to sit with her friends which they expected as much. Ben cautiously looked around the massive crowd of over 400 people, his eyes set on finding one person, the girl holding the sun in her eyes. He quickly turned when he saw her, he looked away immediately, fearful that she might have caught him staring. She was a few tables behind him, sitting next to the older man from earlier and now also an older woman and an excitable border collie hopping on and off the bench in between the girl and the older man. 

He dared a glance behind him again and saw her petting the dog that was now sitting most likely between her legs. She was looking down at him, ruffling his fur while he looked up at her, his tongue falling on the side of his face as he looked up at her with what Ben could only guess as unwavering love. The girl looked up and for a moment time froze. Her shining brown eyes caught his dark gaze, her lips parted and for a moment it was only the two of them. 

Then time continued and Ben quickly turned back around, the tips of his ears were burning, he was ever thankful for the now early sunset as it was almost completely dark. The only light coming from the lights beaming off the stage as well as the temporary string lights being hung above the tables. Someone stepped on stage and the entire crowd quieted. 

A short, older woman stepped up to the ancient looking microphone. She stood with such grace and regality, her salt and pepper hair pulled back into a tight bun, her clothes though were rather relaxed, jeans and a simple grey sweater. It was his mother. 

“Good evening everyone! I want to thank you all for another successful Cider Days!” Everyone clapped and cheered as she smiled, as her smile fell so did the cheering. 

“Before we start on the festivities we do have a couple of announcements to make! The first of which is we want to remind everyone of the fall play Hana High is putting on which is Romeo and Juliet. Make sure to purchase your tickets as one-third of proceeds will be going to the Jakku fund, a fund for the displaced families in and around Hana Country. The second of which is we would like to extend a warm welcome to the Kenobi’s! Obi-Wan and Satine Kenobi recently moved from northern England as well as their granddaughter Rey Kenobi!” 

Ben snapped his attention quickly back to the girl, to Rey. She was sitting there, her face tinted a light shade of pink as everyone clapped and offered them a warm welcome to the community. Finally the crowd settled down but Ben didn’t look away. He watched as she leaned forward, her head resting lower, finding comfort in her dog’s insistent licking, her hands were petting the side of his face in a rhythm that seemed to calm her down.

“Now, may I introduce you to tonight’s entertainment!” Ben turned as his mother welcomed on stage a local country band. The chill seemed to be set in the air as people moved constantly from the few stands surrounding the benches. People bought hot chocolate, hot ciders, pieces of pie, cobblers, cakes, cheese fries, and all manner of fair foods.

“You guys want anything?” Poe sounded off, turning as he straddled the bench. 

“Cider for me.” Armitage said.

“Hot chocolate for me please.” Ben said. 

They watched Poe disappear, the two sharing a glance with one another before letting out a soft chuckle and focusing their attention back on the band. A few couples of different ages were dancing on the makeshift dance floor which was just haphazardly thrown straw over a tar road. The band was singing a cover of an older song, Ben could only guess it was by Johnny Cash though he wasn’t sure. 

A few minutes later and Poe returned with three cups. Two cups of cider and a cup of hot chocolate. Ben was barely able to wrap his hands around the small styrofoam cup, he brought the hot liquid to his lips, the cup doing everything it could to bring warmth to his freezing fingers, while the steam of the cocoa warmed up his nose. He took a sip and grimaced, it tasted more like hot water than hot chocolate, but it would do. The liquid numbed his tongue and burned the back of his throat as he took a large swig. 

“So is Kaydel everything you wanted and more?” Armitage asked with a piqued brow. Poe only rolled his eyes and leaned back. 

“Listen, me and Kay, we got—”

“Oh so it’s Kay now!” Armitage leaned forward, he had a smug expression on his face while Poe laughed. 

“Yes!” Poe snapped. “Listen, me and Kay, what we got, it’s special. You wait and see, this time next year we’ll be married.” Armitage only laughed. 

“Ben, do you hear this man?” Armitage looked over to see that Ben wasn’t paying attention, his focus was on another table entirely. The two boys saw just who exactly Ben was staring at and gave each other a knowing look. 

“You could just go talk to her yah know.” Armitage mumbled. 

Ben gave him an incredulous look. “No I couldn’t! I’d just make a fool of myself.” 

Poe rolled his eyes. “Ben Solo, the son of Han Solo, making a fool of himself? Yeah that’ll be the day.”

Even Ben could tell just how much of a lie that was. Ben had a total of two left feet and the courage of a mouse.

“C’mon Ben, it’s senior year. What’s the worst that can happen?” Armitage raised a brow. “It’s senior year! Live a little! You already have a full ride to NYU you got nothing to worry about!”

Armitage was right. He looked down at his half-empty cup of watery hot chocolate and sighed. It was as close to liquid courage he could get to at this moment. He chugged the last of the lukewarm drink and slammed the cup on the table. Taking a deep breath he stood up and left his two clueless friends sitting there, calling after him. He made his way through the crowd, careful not to step on anyone shorter than his knees. People would stop him and say hello, try to drum up and sort of small talk, but he was too busy on the sight before him,  _ Rey _ . Her name as perfect as her beauty. The string lights hung above him casted a warm orange glow on everyone, it just made Rey who was conversing with her grandfather look even more enchanting. 

Finally, he made it to her table, he stood before the three Kenobi’s. They looked up at him expectantly, he took a deep breath,  _ it’s just like acting, say your lines, you’ll do fine _ , he thought to himself. 

“Hello.” he smiled nervously, glancing at Rey who was staring at him quizzically. 

He looked over at her grandparents. “I-I’m Ben… Solo. My mother is Leia Organa, the mayor. I just wanted to personally welcome you to Hana.”

Satine smiled leaning forward. “Thank you so much Ben. Everyone here has been so kind and welcoming.” He relaxed as he seemed he hadn’t made a total fool of himself, yet. 

“Do you go to Hana High?” Rey asked suddenly. He looked over at her and clenched his fists. 

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m a-uhh senior.” Her expression seemed to fall slightly, but it was quickly replaced with a relaxed expression, she seemed to have a natural smile placed on her lips. The two stared at one another for some time, while Rey’s expression seemed to be quiet relaxed and almost held a look of mischief, Ben was tight and nervous, he had never felt this way about anyone ever. 

The changing of a song brought him to his senses. 

“Would you like to dance with me Rey?” 

After a moment she nodded slowly, she slid off the bench and followed Ben to the makeshift dance floor where he finally realized what they were singing. He cringed inwardly, it was a cover of an old Patti Page that definitely made him wish he could go hide under his bed and die. But slowly, he built the confidence to wrap his hand around her waist, and her hand slowly slid into his own. 

She looked up at him and smiled. They simply rocked back and forth turning in slow circles to the steady and slow beat of the melancholic song. Their gazes never left one another as a connection seemed to pass through them, that same feeling from earlier seemed to wash over them once more, as if they were the only ones in the world. She melted into his gaze while he only did the same. 

She truly did live up to her name. His friends could only sit back and watch with expressions of shock as Ben Solo —awkward, clumsy, Ben Solo— danced with a girl so perfectly, so gracefully. All eyes seemed to be on the son of the mayor and the granddaughter of relative nobodies. He was like royalty in this small town and seeing their prince dance with a commoner both intrigued and shocked all of the townsfolk. 

But in this singular moment neither Ben nor Rey cared about anything except each other. But slowly reality came seeping through the cracks of their beautiful dream and they came to a slow stop just as the song did. They didn’t look away from one another until a large boom erupted in the night sky. They both jumped, his grip on her waist tightening only slightly while his hand gripped hers more firmly. 

It was a firework. He laughed and the two stared up as fireworks exploded and dazzled the night sky. He looked over at Rey, she was smiling and laughing, her eyes reflecting the different colored lights, her hand was still comfortably in his. He looked back up, it was senior year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will broken into two parts: adolescence and adulthood(that might change).
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this quite simple tale, I'm really using this story to take a deeper dive into characterization and this will be entirely in Ben's POV.
> 
> Please leave a kudos and a comment, they are really helpful!


	3. Act One, Scene Four

School the next day was awkward to say the least, every time he saw Rey in the hallway his heart would race and his cheeks would turn a bright shade of pink and he would do everything in his power to look away. She seemed to have already made plenty of friends. She was surrounded by Kaydel, a junior named Finn, and a sophomore named Rose. It also didn’t help when Poe was literally hovering over Kaydel. He was nervous that Poe would let something slip. 

He kept mostly to himself and when the final bell of the day rang he let out a breath he felt he had been holding all day. Excitement quickly replaced any form of anxiety he once held as he rushed to his locker to mindlessly shove his unneeded books back into the metal crate, pulling his coat out, and then dashing down the hall towards the one place he could truly feel safe in this school, the theatre. 

He had grown up absolutely adoring the theatre, even when he was kindergarten he would constantly audition for roles in the Christmas plays, even though there really was no auditioning at such an early age. He would campaign for the villain as he got older as he found them the most interesting and morally ambiguous in the whole cast. There were times when his teacher would assign him to the hero or the hero’s sidekick which for the most part he didn’t mind, but a part of him, a part that’s always wanted to rebel to get that small taste of danger, used the theatre to quench that hunger. 

Ben set his backpack on one of the chairs and pulled out his script before tossing his coat on top of his bag and making his way up to the stage where cast members and techs were milling about already beginning their jobs for the next two hours. He caught sight of Paige Tico, a senior as well, and his counterpart making her way up to the stage. She held a slim but athletic frame and there more than one instances where Armitage and Poe tried to hook the two of them up whether it be during a game of spin the bottle, locking them in rooms at parties, and whatever else, but they merely remained friends. 

“Hey.” she smiled.

“Hey.” he offered back. 

“You ready?” she asked, glancing at his script he held in his hand. The play was in less than two weeks, while she hadn’t needed to look at her script fully within the last week Ben still relied on it heavily. He wanted to make sure he had every word memorized and read the script repeatedly until he could close his eyes and see it, he was just about there. 

“Good afternoon everyone!” The voice of Ms. Holdo rang out throughout the auditorium making everyone rush up to the forefront of the stage. Ben stood next to Paige awkwardly while Ms. Holdo went over the plan for the day, they were to rehearse the beginning dialogue between Samson and Gregory, Mercutio’s death, and then Romeo and Juliet’s death. Ms. Holo’s theme of the day was pain, he guessed, the way she decided to choose scenes that definitely held most of the gravity(besides the first of course). Ben had a feeling he was going to be emotionally drained by the end of this rehearsal and with a glance over in Finn’s direction who was to be playing Mercutio, he knew he wasn’t the only one that was not going to enjoy this day. Ben suppressed a smile and with a clap of her hands the scene was dressed and two sophomores stepped out and began rehearsing their lines for the beginning of the play. 

Ben and Paige sat next to one another, away from everyone else. Most thought they were just rehearsing lines and going over stage directions, while some thought there was an ulterior motive behind their isolation. Besides just his friends pushing for them getting together, it was also the whole town. He had no real reason why the town was so hell bent on the two of them getting together but it confused both her and Ben. In anyways, Ben and Paige were the only seniors in this play, they separated themselves due to their grade and that was it. Everyone else had found a clique within their own graduating class and that was precisely what the two had done as well. 

“So I saw your sister talking to the new girl.” Ben muttered, his eyes trained on the scene being acted. 

Paige nodded, her attention also on the scene. “Yeah. Rose told me she’s really nice. Her name’s Rey.” She glanced over at Ben with a knowing grin. “But I’m sure you already knew that.” Ben caught the way she was staring at him. Of course she had seen them last night, everyone had seen them last night. It was the prince and his pauper. But the town wanted him with the princess and to them that was Paige. 

“Why haven’t you talked to her yet?” Paige whispered. Ben glanced down at the script in his hand and sighed. He had no real reason why he hadn’t except that maybe he was a coward, or that he knew Rey could do better than him. He was just some tall dorky guy that liked to play make believe, he wasn’t Poe Dameron baseball legend, or Snap Wexley, all-star linebacker, he was Ben Solo lover of stage makeup and reading Shakespeare.

He looked back up at her. “Nervous, I guess.”

She slapped his shoulder. “Stop being nervous. From what Rose has told me it sounds like Rey may like you too.”

His eyes lit up. “Really?”

Paige nodded. “I guess Rey was telling Rose all about yesterday and how this cute tall boy whisked her away on the dance floor and she said she had never felt that way with anyone else. It was very romantic. Who knew Ben Solo was the romantic type?”

“Ha-ha, very funny.” he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest and slouching in his chair. 

“I pictured you more of a pizza roll and chill kinda guy myself, but yah know, sometimes even  _ I’m  _ wrong.” Ben glanced at her and looked back out at the stage. Ms. Holdo was currently giving the two sophomores some notes, he figured they’d be here for awhile so he might as well practice his lines.

\---

Rehearsal finished just a little under two hours and Ben was walking down a dimly lit hallway towards the student parking lot. Hana High School was essentially just three hallways. The main hallway which housed math, science, admin, and the entrance to both the gym and cafeteria; the history and art hallway; and then the engineering and welding hallway. It was a small farming school, perfect for the almost non-existent population of kids there were in Hana County. Ben didn’t mind though, he liked smaller schools, there was something about it that made him so comfortable, so at peace. 

He passed by one of the biology rooms when something caught his eye. He stumbled to a halt and slowly turned on his heels and tiptoed to the door. Peering in he saw Rey. She was busy looking through a microscope, she seemed rather focused from how pensive her shoulders were. Ben stood there for a moment silently taking her in before finally taking a step forward into the classroom. 

“What are you doing here?” Rey jumped and practically turned mid-air. She stared at Ben in complete surprise before finally relaxing, her eyes were soft but still held a nervousness that he was feeling in this moment as well. 

“I’m just catching up on some assignments I’ve missed. Mr. Canady said from the way my school record looks I should be caught up in no time.” she explained as Ben walked up and stood next to her staring at her worksheet. He tried not to think about how close she was to him, the way his shoulder was brushing against hers, or the way they only needed to whisper to communicate. 

“This is a freshman class.” he mumbled. Rey nodded, her shoulders tightening, as if ready for a fight. 

“I took chemistry class my freshman and sophomore year. So this year and next I have to take biology classes.” Her voice was just as tight as her stance, Ben glanced at her and risked a smile. He turned and leaned against the desk, staring at her with an amused expression, oh how she amused him. She was such a fiery spirit, not afraid to defend herself, not afraid of the possibility of a fight. It made him all the more intrigued by her. 

“I can help you with this if you want?” All of her defences were blown away by such a simple question. She stared at him, her mouth open as she didn’t have quite the words yet to respond. 

Ben pushed himself off the desk and looked down at her. “I can help you with your biology homework, if,” he paused as if mulling over his next words, “you help me with my math homework.”

Rey laughed, she had hoped he’d say something else. “Fine then.” She outstretched her hand which he gladly took. “I accept your offer Ben Solo.”

“Great. Come on.” He headed towards the door. His hand not leaving hers.

“What do you mean ‘come on’? I still have my homework.” she cried out. 

He turned to face her and offered her a charming smile. “You can do it at my place.” He could see her ears and cheeks turning a matching shade of a pink which made him realize just what kind of question he asked. He also felt himself growing hot.

“Oh sorry yeah. We can do it here if you want.” he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand as he moved to a chair next to hers. He stripped off his backpack and then finally his coat, his sadly falling from hers. She moved to sit next to him, the two teens obviously uncomfortable with what to do next. 

Ben looked at her sheet, he sighed, remembering all too well the disastrous year that was freshman year. He pushed past those uncomfortable memories and focused on the homework itself. It was on different types of epithelial tissue. He glanced at the microscope to see all different types of slides with numbers on them. She really did need to stay here. 

She was doing pretty well so far, he did raise a brow when he saw that she had gotten squamous and cuboidal confused. 

“Ben, can I ask you a question?” she mumbled. 

“Shoot.” he nodded. 

She leaned forward. “Why don’t I help you with your lines instead?” He looked up at her then, how did she know? 

“How did you-”

Rey laughed. “I’ve seen the posters all over the school! Romeo and Juliet starring Ben Solo and Paige Tico.” She nudged his arm gently. “C’mon, I can help you. I’m not so bad an actor myself aye?” He stared at her with a raised brow and shrugged. 

“Ok deal.” 

They finished her homework after a few groans and annoyed grumbles from Rey and then decided to go outside where the sun was beginning to set to practice Ben’s lines. They were resting by Ben’s old Dodge Raider. It was a nice SUV that Rey secretly envied for. Her backpack rested in the driver's seat next to his while he stood opposite her while she leaned against the cold metal. 

She was bundled up in an old grey peacoat while Ben was strutting around mightily in his sweater and black chesterfield. They had been able to skip around so many scenes together but finally he was on the scene he was dreading most to do with her. 

“Are you sure?” Ben asked, his hands clenched tightly. They were standing just only a couple of feet away, he could hear the music from his radio trickling out as he noticed Rey was swaying her head to whatever beat was being produced. She looked beautiful in the last wisps of light. 

Rey nodded. “Yeah. I mean you don’t actually have to kiss me you know.” But he really did. They were losing light fast as he glimpsed over at the fading sun. 

“Ok, we do this scene and then call it a day?” 

“Sure.” she smiled. 

He nodded his head, shaking his shoulders to loosen up. She watched as he became Romeo, she had seen him do it plenty throughout the course of the evening, the way he so effortlessly melted into his role and then back into Ben again. It was something she rather enjoyed watching. 

He took a few steps forward so that they were close, as close as they were when they were dancing only yesterday.

“If I profane with my worthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.” His hand found hers, his eyes so gentle as he looked at her nervously. Their palms pressed against one another so softly.

“Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,” her voice as soft and as quiet as a summer’s breeze, “which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, and pal to palm is holy palmers’ kiss.” There was a hint of mischief in her eye as she spoke. 

“Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?”

She nodded. “Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.”

“O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.” he took her hand then, so warm and calloused over her own. They were so close now, their voices so soft as their bodies only centimeters apart, their faces only inches. 

“Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.” she mumbled nervously. 

“Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.” She closed her eyes as she felt his lips brush against her own before finally his hand cupped her cheek and moved her a little closer so that they’re kiss was firm yet sweet. She pushed herself off the car so that their bodies were pressed against one another as they deepened the kiss. 

Ben pulled away suddenly, his cheeks red as he looked down at her, they still stood so close. 

“Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.” he whispered. 

“Then have my lips the sin that they took.”

“Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.” He kissed her once more, this time less timid, less sure. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she stood on the tips of her toes. The sun had finally set when they broke away.

“You kiss by the book.”

Ben laughed at that and then looked at the ground. “So, do you want to practice that scene again?”

Rey blushed, though it was too dark to tell. “As much as I would love to practice that scene over and over again, I need to get home. I’m sure my grandfather is worried.” 

“Do you need a ride?” he asked. Looking around the parking lot he saw that there were no other cars in the lot. He looked back over at her and she was just staring at him. 

“You may take me home Ben Solo, but no funny business alright?” She grabbed her bag out of the front seat and moved around so she was in the passenger seat while Ben climbed in the driver’s seat throwing his backpack carelessly in the backseat. 

Starting his car he gave Rey a look while she buckled in. 

“What?”

“I need your address.”

She didn’t live too far from him, the Kenobis had moved to Unkar’s old house. He had passed away just a couple of months ago. He was surprised at how quickly the property had been bought and moved into. He drove along the dark county road, some country song tuned out the awkward and tense silence between them as he turned down a dirt road that was the driveway. 

Unkar’s house was big. Bigger than even the Solo-Organa’s. It was a two story ranch house, outside was a parked old truck and some chickens running about. He parked his car and climbed out with Rey. 

“Oh you don’t need to get out.” she smiled as they stood in front of his car, casting their shadows against the house. 

He shrugged, his hands stuffed in his coat. “Yeah I know.” He took a step forward and brought Rey into a kiss. She quickly melted as his hands found her waist and brought her close. She sighed into the kiss but when a door swung open Rey pulled away. On the porch stood her grandmother who had her hands on her hips and was watching them. 

For how menacingly she stood, Rey could see the smile on her grandmother’s face, illuminated by the porch lights. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then Ben Solo.” she murmured. 

He nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He watched her run inside, her grandmother swiftly closing the door behind them. He stood there for a moment as a cheeky grin spread across his face before finally climbing back into his car and driving away. 

\---

When he got home he was greeted by his always too happy great pyrenees, Threepio and the more laid back sheepdog, Chewie. He kicked off his shoes by the back door and set his backpack on the breakfast nook table. 

“Mom? Dad? I’m home!” he called out. He could see supper resting on the kitchen island and a note was sitting next to it. He took a bite of the mashed potatoes and quickly read the note. 

_ Hey kid, _

_ Your Mom and I got called out to a fire on Farm Road 3430 at old Greedo’s place. We should hopefully be back around 8. We already fed the dogs, can you let them out one more time before we get back? Thanks. _

_ Dad _

Ben sighed and dropped the note on the table before taking another bite of the mashed potatoes. Without his parents home, their farmhouse felt too empty, it felt like ghosts were roaming the halls and at any moment one would jump out and scare him. 

“Wel,” he turned around now seeing that their cattle dog, Artoo, had now joined them, “I guess you guys probably need to pee.”

He let them out through the back, his dinner in his hands. He leaned against the backdoor and stared off at their field as he took a bite of the pork. Harvest season was rapidly approaching, so was Halloween. Every year his parents put on a Halloween party at his house. People from all over the county could come, and they did. Corn mazes, hay rides, face painting, pumpkin patches, you name it. 

He watched Artoo chase after a rooster who clearly wasn’t having any patience for the dog and bit at him. Artoo raced away to the comfort of Threepio who was just sitting there. 

“Come on!” he shouted. The dogs barked and raced back inside, being chased by a cold breeze. Ben closed the door and locked it. He set his empty plate in the sink and made his way upstairs to his room before collapsing on his bed, a childish smile spreading on his face as he remembered the way Rey’s lips felt on his own, the way her body felt pressed against his, the way her lips were her cheeks were red and how breathless she looked when they pulled away the first time. 

Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad to see everyone is enjoying the fic so far! Makes me really happy!
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment as they're very helpful!


	4. The Catwalk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of the support has been amazing and I'm so grateful for y'all!

To say everyone was shocked to see Ben Solo walk down the hallway hand-in-hand with a complete nobody was an understatement. Everyone stared at the odd pair with a hint of hostility and resentment. Rey could feel the energy but glancing up at Ben he didn’t seem to care, and he didn’t. He held a cheeky smile on his lips, his grip around Rey was loose but firm as they pushed passed people.

They made it to her locker where Ben dropped his arm and leaned against another locker, watching her silently as she diligently stuffed her coat in the locker and pulled out a few books. 

“So I was wondering,” he spoke up, making her look at him, “if you’d like to go on a date with me.”

Rey fought the big grin, her cheeks turning pink. “Yeah, sure, when?” 

“Saturday night? I pick you up around 4?” She hugged her books a little tighter and nodded. 

Ben leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, “I’ll see you later sweetheart.” She watched as he walked away joining a kid with bright ginger hair and Poe, a boy she had only met yesterday. The three boys started laughing about something while Ben turned and gave her one last glance before disappearing into the crowd of students. 

“OK Rey, talk.” She slammed her locker closed as Finn’s body hit the other lockers. He was staring at her aptly, Rose, and Kaydel right beside him. 

“About?”

Finn groaned. “How did you manage to score Ben Solo within your first day?”

“Oh! Well, we actually met the day before at Cider Days.”

“And now you’re dating?” Finn raised a brow. 

“I guess we are.” She sighed. 

“Rey you do realize who you’re dating now right?” Rose asked. Rey only shook her head. 

“Ben is the prince of Hana. His family is practically royalty and the fact that he’s dating a nobody, no offence, is pretty polarizing.” Rose explained while Rey only listened, her anxiety began to build but she remained still. She felt exposed all of sudden, she looked at the people passing by her, swearing up and down that they were all staring. With Ben gone though, she was just another nobody.

“Nobody just dates the prince of Hana.”

“I mean nobody  _ has  _ dated him.” Finn pointed out. 

Kaydel spoke up now. “What are you talking about? I thought Paige dated Ben back in their freshman year.”

“No they didn’t.” Finn groaned. 

Rose nodded her head. “They did though.”

“Listen Rey, we just want you to be careful. Ben’s a good guy, but now that the whole school knows, you need to be careful. Once the whole town finds out, not a lot of people are going to be happy.” Rose warned. 

“I mean is he though?” Kaydel grumbled, her eyes dark.

Rey snapped her attention up at Kaydel. “What?”

“Kaydel!” Finn hissed. He looked up at Rey with big eyes. “Listen, it’s not our place, but in junior year Ben was a player. I’m pretty sure he’s made out with half of the junior and senior girls and has had sex with the rest of them. He was dangerous junior year. But then —over the summer— something happened, he came back senior year so much different, so much better.”

“What happened?” she practically begged. The warning bell rang and Kaydel and Rose raced towards their history class while Finn and Rey made their way towards their Pre-Calculus class.

“What happened?” she asked once more as they entered the classroom. They took their seats next to one towards the back of the class while other kids rushed to sit next to their friends. 

Finn shrugged. “No one really knows. Probably the only people who do are Poe and Armitage. His two best friends, and really his only friends. But he hurt a lot of girls junior year, but still, people are so kind to him. As much as Rose and Poe will defend Ben, Kaydel experienced first hand just what kind of person he was last year.”

“What did he do?” she whispered. 

Finn offered her a small smile. “He used her and then threw her away.”

Rey felt dizzy, she glanced out the open door and saw some students running to their class before the tardy bell rang. Was Ben just using her? She shook her head, he couldn’t, he asked her out on a date, he had driven her home, he hadn’t used her. She had actually been the one to use him. He hadn’t done anything to her that she didn’t want. 

“Did he--” she paused, disgusted to even think of the word, “yah know,”

“No!” he exclaimed, eyes wide. People stared at the two of them, Finn leaned forward and murmured, “He didn’t hurt her like that no. Everything they did was consensual, but still, she opened herself up to him, let him take a piece of herself she’d never get back, and then he dumped her, threw her away. I’m not saying Ben’s like that now. He genuinely seems interested in you, he really seems to like you, but please, just be careful Rey.”

Rey looked at her friend and nodded just as the tardy bell rang. Her eyes snapped up when a rogue body raced through the hall before doors closed and class began. The only thing she could hear was her own heartbeat as so many thoughts raced through her head, and fears began to take place of certainties she had felt only minutes before.

On the other side of the school, Ben was sitting next to Armitage and Poe. The first class of the day for them was a government class.

“So Benny,” Poe leaned forward staring at his friend expectantly. “Have you gotten in her pants yet.” Ben grimaced at his friend and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

“No.” he mumbled. “I want to take it slow, I want to do right by her.” He leaned forward in the little plastic chair and glanced up at the white board, they were to continue talking about checks and balances, something he relished in so they could stop talking about his past mistakes. 

“Ben Solo taking it slow with a girl.” Armitage chuckled. “Why I never thought I’d see the day.” 

Ben rolled his eyes, clenching his fist he was starting to get annoyed. “Shut up Armi.” he warned. Armitage and Poe just chuckled. 

“We’re just kidding Ben, lighten up.” Armitage snickered. “Who thought Ben cared so much about women.” Poe and Armitage started laughing while Ben just sat there trying to keep his temper in check. He couldn’t risk blowing up, it would destroy the rest of his year, he’d get kicked from his spot in the play, he’d most likely lose Rey, he may lose his NYU scholarship. He took deep breaths, anxiously waiting for their teacher to start class. 

“I’m sure her friends have warned her about Ben’s escapades last year by now anyway.” Poe muttered. “I mean she is friends with Kaydel, Rose, and the biggest gossiper at Hana, Finn. So I’m sure she’s already writing the breakup letter now.” Poe glanced over at Ben whose face had become completely impassive, it was pale, no reaction or feeling in his face. He was staring down at the table, where both of his fists were resting. Poe glanced over at Armitage who was staring at Poe annoyed. 

_ Did you really just say that _ , Armitage mouthed. 

_ Sorry _ , Poe mouthed back. 

“Ben, I’m sure everything is fine. Poe’s just being stupid.” Armitage placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, he could feel his friend tighten at his touch. Ben stood suddenly and grabbed his bag and shoved his way out the door just as their teacher walked in. 

“What just happened?” the teacher asked.

Ben rushed down the hall, towards the only place he could breathe. He ignored a hall monitor calling after him, threatening to write him a detention slip. He opened a side door that led him onto the stage. He glanced out at the empty auditorium and side. Taking in a deep breath he made his way to the other side of the stage where he found himself sitting in the catwalks. His feet dangled off them as he rested his forehead against the cool metal railing. 

There were so many parts of his life he regretted and last year had been one of them. He had been disgusting, he used girls left and right, not caring about their feelings or how he may hurt them. He felt so powerful last year, as if he was on top of the world. But now when he thought back on it, he was disgusting, he had given himself the titles of playboy and womanizer. Two things his mother screamed to him one night when she found out what he had been doing. 

“Ben?” he looked down to see Rey standing there, looking up at him from the stage. “May I join you?”

“Yeah.” he mumbled. She disappeared for a few moments before appearing beside him and sitting next to her, her feet now dangling from the catwalk as well. 

“Poe told me I could find you here.” she said. He glanced at her, she seemed deep in thought, trying to still process information she had just received. Was she about to break up with him just as they began? Every fiber in his being hoped not. How quickly he had fallen for her and how quickly she could rip it all away, this could easily become the Shakespearean Tragedy he had a feeling his life would become. 

He remained silent as she took a few seconds to just breathe. 

“Ben I-”

He watches as she falters. He lets her come to her own senses, her own conclusions, her own thoughts. This wasn’t his time to make up excuses, for him to try to find any way to win her back. This was him adhering to the things he had done, this was his punishment.

“Ben what made you change?” she asked. 

He looked down at his clenched fists. “My grandfather, Anakin, passed away over the summer. That was one of the big things, also my mother found out and she screamed at me, telling me that this wasn’t the kind of son she was raising, that she was disappointed if this was the man I was to become. After those two factors it really weighed on me that I didn’t want to become any of those. I apologized to most of the girls I hurt, some forgave, some didn’t.” 

“Ben, are you going to break my heart?”

“Rey I-”

“Are you going to break my heart?” she asked again. Her eyes carried a storm inside, so dark, so torrent. He knew that whatever he was going to say next would either save this beginning or destroy it. 

“Not on purpose.” he whispered. The storm in her eyes seemed to calm, but there was still a levity to them that made him more nervous.

He felt something slide into his own hand. Looking down she saw her hand in his own, he looked back and saw her smiling at him, he felt a weight leave his shoulders and he sighed in contempt. 

“Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?” she asked. He shook his head, there was nothing else that needed to be said in this moment, there was nothing he could say. He leaned forward and captured her lips with his own. She shifted so their kiss could deepen. Her mouth opened for his as her hand fell from his and instead found itself in his hair. His hair was smooth against her touch. He moaned as she pulled his hair, a feeling so pleasurable. 

He needed to stop. They needed to stop. He told himself he wouldn’t go this fast. He pulled away, the two of them so breathless.

“We should probably head back to class.” She licked her lips and nodded, giving one last reaffirming kiss, reminding him that she wasn’t going anywhere.


	5. cosmic intentions

This wasn’t the first date he’s ever taken a girl on, so he didn’t understand why he was shaking so badly, actually he did know, he wanted this date to be perfect. It had to be perfect, for Rey. He stared at himself in the mirror, silently critiquing how he looked, how his hair lay, why he had to be such a nervous wreck. He was Ben Solo goddamnit, the son of Han Solo, he shouldn’t be nervous at all. 

He glanced at his watch and saw that it was time to go. He raced down the stairs and was able to give his mom a hug and a kiss on the cheek before heading towards the kitchen. 

“Home by 1!” Leia yelled after him. 

Ben stopped and groaned. “Mom it’s Friday night!”

“Which is why I want you home by 12 now.” she smirked. Ben looked towards his dad who seemed far more interested in the news than this conversation. 

“2?”

Leia’s eyes narrowed. “1:30.”

“1:45?”

“Fine.”

Ben smiled and clapped his hands. “Love you Mom, I’ll be home before you know it.” He turned and rushed out the door.

“Be safe! Wear a condom!” Leia called after him. She watched him go, her son almost a man, a smile spread across her lips and she shared a look with her husband who held the same smile. 

He decided to wear something casual: jeans, a sweater, and a heavy winter coat. He was practically skipping to his SUV. The smile on his face wouldn’t seem to go away no matter how hard he tried to calm himself. He had packed the trunk of his SUV with so many pillows, blankets, candles, and snacks. He really wanted to make this a night they would both remember.

The drive to her house felt longer than normal, he kept thinking of all of the things that could go wrong, and none of the ways it could go right. While his other foot was on the gas pedal the other was bouncing up and down to only the beat of his racing heart. 

He was parked outside of her house, his lights on, the heater turned up, and music softly blaring. He saw her exit her house. She looked so beautiful, even if it was just jeans and a sweater. She was holding a couple of blankets and some pillows tightly to her chest. He stepped out of the car and greeted her with a soft kiss to her cheek before opening the door for her. She climbed inside and he shut it gently before making his way to the driver’s side and climbing in. 

“So tonight they’re showing The Graduate if you’re ok with that?” he asked nervously. Rey smiled and nodded as he backed out of the driveway and made their way down the country road in the direction of his house. But instead of turning in he continued onwards. 

He would glance at her every once in a while to see her humming along to the soft melody pooling out of the old speakers. The sun had almost set, blackness overtaking the sky as the last dark orange rays of the day began to disappear. 

The drive-in was about a thirty minute drive from home and they found a reasonable spot somewhere closer to the middle and the exit. Rey had gone to work with making the hatchback as comfy as possible while Ben went to go get some popcorn and soda. He waited silently in line, all around him were strung up lights as well as random neon signs the owners must have salvaged. Looking at the menu he smiled, he could see they were selling hot cocoa. 

He ordered a large popcorn, two cokes, and two hot chocolates. He found Rey sitting comfortable up against a couple of pillows, she smiled at the sight of him and helped him set everything down. She was already layered in bundles of blankets. He had turned the car off and the early winter air had definitely gripped their little community very tightly. She wrapped her hands tightly around the cup of cocoa and took small sips to keep herself warm. Ben remained quiet as he nestled onto his back and watched the trailers roll by. 

As much as he tried to concentrate on the trailers his eyes kept trailing back to Rey, staring at her silhouette. She seemed so small as she huddled against herself as tightly as possible, gripping the styrofoam cup for dear life. It was adorable and made him smile inwardly. 

She leaned back as the movie started so they were side-by-side, her hot chocolate already gone. At some point during the movie she had curled up against him. She was hugging his arm while he just sat there stiffly, unsure of what to do. He could spot some other couples finding more enjoyable activities to do but he fought against it, he didn’t want tonight to be just about sex, though the way Rey squirmed against him he couldn’t help but think that maybe she wanted that too.

Rey sighed against his arm, trying to stifle a yawn. 

“You tired?” he mumbled. She looked up at him, her dark eyes radiant. 

“Just a little.” she admitted, her cheeks were tinted pink from not just the cold. He mentally berated himself, this date was going nowhere for either of them. That’s when an idea popped in his head an idea he would come to regret in later years. He leaned forward, looking up at the night sky, not a cloud in sight. 

“What are you doing?”

“C’mon let’s go.” he smiled wildly back at her. She stared at him for a moment, there was a look on his face she had never seen before, not on him anyways. A childish fervor that made him seem so much younger, so much more pure and beautiful. She nodded and the two swiftly packed up his SUV before quickly driving off, leaving this part of the night to be a forgotten memory years later. 

Rey watched Ben as he seemed to bounce from a newfound silence. He drove back towards their homes. She watched as he passed his house but then made an immediate left, into a field next to his home. The field was an empty plot of land. Most likely where his family held their town parties and gatherings. It was a grassy plot of land, he had found a hill to park on top of. 

“Wait for just a moment.” She watched him leave, the car immediately turning cold. She hugged herself and watched in the side mirror as Ben dragged some things out of the trunk and set them on the ground, she raised a brow, trying to figure out just what exactly he was doing. She turned away and leaned back in her seat, staring out at the dark night. She could hardly see past the front of the vehicle, the only object offering any light was the sliver of the moon. 

She heard the door open and turned to see Ben standing there. His cheeks were pink and seemed like he was about to break out into a sweat. He breathed out, his breath floating in the air between them before disappearing.

“Come with me.” he held out his hand. She looked down at it and then up at him and smiled, taking it slowly. Her hand fit so perfectly inside of his, there must be a reason for it, some cosmic grand scheme playing out with the two of them meeting, Rey was sure of it. He was everything she could ask for and vice versa. Someone high above had planned this, planned it with either a proud smile or one of a more malicious intent, either way this felt right, he felt right, like a home she never knew she needed.

She followed him and froze at what she saw. Placed on the ground were the heaps of blankets and pillows. Scattered around those were candles and snacks, placed so specifically around where she knew they were going to lay. Rey looked up at him to see him smiling at her with that goofy grin she wanted so badly to kiss. 

He led her to the pile and the two lay down, their gazes resting up on the sleeping heavens. Their hands were still intertwined, as if melded together, the two slowly becoming one. The candle light offered a new perspective on Ben’s profile. He had sharp features hiding under his baby-fat, he had the future of being even more handsome than he was now. His profile was a carving so carefully sculpted, so wondrously perfect, she wondered if he realized just how beautiful he was in her eyes. 

“Ben.” she whispered.

“Hm?” He was still staring up at the stars. In this instant the cold seemed to go around, as if a force was protecting them from the cold-hearted winter. 

“Do you ever wonder about what the universe has planned for us?” she mumbled. He looked over then, worry and confusion set in his eyes. 

“Like our future?”

She nodded. “And present.”

Ben shrugged before turning on his side. “Not really. If there is some divine cosmic being planning out our future they’re at least not stealing my present.” 

“Why not?”

“Because this moment, it’s ours and ours alone.”

There was a ferocity in his eyes and voice that made Rey pause and stare up at him. There was a subtly of awkward neediness in their perfectly synced movements. As Rey moved up, Ben moved down, their trembling lips finding each other in the light of the moon. 

The built up want and need for each other from the past week came crashing down in torrent waves. Emotions poured out of one another without either of them saying a single word, it was the way they touched one another, a way they pressed their lips so violently together, as if they would never have this moment again, and somehow they knew they were right. They memorized each other’s perfect imperfections, the way their throats felt under their fingers, the way Rey fit perfectly in his lap. They sat there for some time just tracing each other with their fingers, their lips, their breaths before finally Ben lay her down.

There were sounds of laughter and ‘ows’ as joints bumped against joints, but they soon found a rhythm with each other. It was slow and full of questions but with reassurances and pleasant touches they had found their courage, their bravery, their unity. 

The cold seemed to disappear altogether as the ecstasy seemed to grow, as the heat between the two seemed to climb to a breaking point. They held each other close, Rey cried out as Ben groaned in sounds of pleasure and release. He collapsed on top of her, so gently yet so warmly. Rey sighed against his chest. 

He looked down at her, the two living in a moment that was only for them, they were sharing a secret, a secret that not even the universe was allowed to know. Then they started laughing, laughing against the emptiness of space, filling the still silence with a melody all their own. 

In their near and distant future this would be a memory they would both remember, a memory that caused one pain and the other regret. The what-ifs and the many futures that this moment had started would scream through their minds, either making one forget how to breathe while the other held back tears. This moment had created so many possibilities and dreams that were as bright and as alive as the clear afternoon sky, but instead they chose a path that was as silent and as dead as a cloudy night. 

But in this past memory’s present, there were just two teenagers, both unsure of the future, already forgetting the past, and just focusing on their present, on their own universe which was staring back at them with wonderment and with the stars shining in their eyes.


	6. Part Two: Adulthood

Adulthood

10 years later


End file.
